The “Coping” Phase That Turns Into Dependence
There’s a dangerous phase that sits between “normal stress” and full-blown addiction. It’s the coping phase. The person is still working. Still parenting. Still showing up. Still paying bills. They’re not drinking in the morning, not getting arrested, not losing everything. They’re just “taking the edge off.” They’re just sleeping better. They’re just calming down. They’re just getting through the week.
Adjustment Disorder is one of the most common reasons that coping phase starts. A big life change hits, and the person’s mind and body don’t adapt cleanly. They become anxious, restless, depressed, irritable, or emotionally flat. Sleep collapses. Appetite changes. Concentration becomes a mess. The person feels like they’re permanently behind, permanently tense, permanently one small problem away from snapping.
Then they find relief. And that relief works. Until it doesn’t.
This article is about the specific overlap between Adjustment Disorder and addiction, why it’s so easy to miss, and how families can respond before “coping” becomes dependence.
The problem with the word coping
Coping sounds healthy. Coping sounds mature. But in real life, coping can include numbing, avoiding, and chemically sedating yourself. People call it coping because it feels better than admitting they’re struggling. They don’t want to be the person who “can’t handle life.” They don’t want to be judged. They don’t want to be the problem. So they label their substance use as a tool.
In South Africa, this is reinforced culturally. Drinking is normalised. Weekend bingeing is joked about. Prescription sedatives are shared casually. Cannabis use is treated like harmless self-care by some social circles. People are surrounded by messages that say, it’s fine, everyone does it, you deserve it, you’re under pressure.
The brain doesn’t care about the label. If a substance becomes the main way you regulate emotion or sleep, the risk is real.
It creates three addiction-friendly conditions
Addiction thrives when three things are present. First, distress. Emotional pain, anxiety, shame, grief, fear. Second, instability. Broken sleep, messy routine, poor concentration, unpredictable mood. Third, urgency. The feeling that relief is needed now, not later, not after therapy, not after lifestyle changes.
Adjustment Disorder often creates all three. The person feels overwhelmed and unsettled. They can’t think straight. They don’t feel like themselves. They worry they’re failing. They worry they’re losing control. That creates urgency. Urgency makes quick relief feel logical.
Alcohol and sedatives work quickly. That’s why they become attractive. They don’t solve the life change. They solve the feeling, temporarily.
How the “relief loop” forms
The relief loop is simple. Stressor happens. Symptoms appear. Substance reduces symptoms. Brain learns, this works. Next time symptoms appear, brain pushes for the substance sooner. The person starts anticipating discomfort and pre-medicating it. A drink before bed becomes a drink after work becomes two drinks. A tablet once in a while becomes a tablet nightly. Cannabis occasionally becomes cannabis every evening.
Over time, tolerance grows. The same dose produces less relief, so the person increases it. Now the person isn’t using to feel good, they’re using to feel normal. That’s the shift families miss.
At that point, if the person tries to stop, anxiety rebounds. Sleep worsens. Irritability spikes. The person says, see, I need it. They don’t realise the rebound is partly withdrawal and partly the underlying Adjustment Disorder still being untreated.
This is why “just stop” advice fails. The person is not just stopping a habit. They are removing the tool they’ve been using to regulate their entire nervous system.
What it looks like in real households
It often starts with sleep. The person can’t sleep after a big stressor, so they drink. Or they take a sleeping tablet. Or they mix. They get sleep, and they think they’ve solved the problem. But they haven’t solved the nervous system overload, they’ve sedated it.
Then mood changes show up. The person becomes irritable or flat. They withdraw. They snap at small things. They stop enjoying normal activities. They stop exercising. They stop engaging with family. They become impatient with children. They become emotionally unavailable.
Then the avoidance grows. They avoid difficult conversations about the life change. They avoid therapy. They avoid friends who might notice. They avoid responsibility in subtle ways, coming home late, disappearing into their phone, staying in bed longer, calling in sick, staying “busy” so no one can ask questions.
Families often respond by trying to keep peace. They tiptoe. They stop raising concerns because it causes fights. That quiet is where dependence grows.
Why therapy alone sometimes isn’t enough at first
Families sometimes push therapy as if it’s a quick solution. Therapy is important, but in early destabilisation the person often needs immediate routine stabilisation and behavioural structure too. They need to stop living in chaos. They need sleep support. They need to reduce exposure to triggers. They need to face the stressor in practical steps, legal steps in divorce, financial planning after retrenchment, medical support after diagnosis, structured parenting plans after separation.
If the person is already using substances daily, they may also need professional support to stop safely, depending on the substance. Detox planning matters. Many families underestimate the risk of stopping sedatives or heavy alcohol use abruptly.
The point is that the plan must match the reality. Motivational talks and vague advice won’t touch a relief loop that has become chemical.
When Adjustment Disorder and dependence overlap
Treatment needs to address both sides. The life change stress response and the chemical coping pattern. That usually means stabilising routine, sleep, and daily structure first, while reducing substance reliance safely. Then it means building coping skills that work fast enough to replace chemical relief, stress regulation, emotional processing, and practical problem solving around the stressor.
It also means social and environmental changes. If the person’s social life is built around drinking, that must shift. If the household keeps alcohol easily available, that must change. If the person is living in chronic chaos, work overload, toxic relationship dynamics, constant conflict, then the plan must address those realities, not just tell them to “manage stress.”
If the person is in denial and refusing change, then treatment may require a more structured setting, because outpatient support cannot compete with a home environment that keeps addiction comfortable.
Adjustment Disorder is not a “small” diagnosis when it’s driving nightly drinking, pill reliance, or escalating avoidance. It is often the doorway into dependence for people who never imagined they could end up there. The earlier you act, the easier it is to reverse. The longer you wait, the more the brain learns that chemicals are the answer, and the more difficult it becomes to rebuild natural coping systems.
If you recognise the coping phase in yourself or someone you love, don’t wait for rock bottom. Rock bottom isn’t a treatment requirement. It’s what happens when people keep postponing reality.
